Well, it's me! Duh!
But apparently, the public has been a bit...slow about uncovering the truth. Check out this recent article from the selfsame world renowned public newscast:
March 31, 2013
The secrets behind the happenings of late regarding Eritrea are beginning to be revealed. The most recent reports confirm Rosetta Ever Johnson, a U.S. citizen, as being the nation's currant dictator.
"Well, I've always wanted to DOMINATE THE WORLD, and so I've been diligently keeping a look out for opportunities to begin my reign. It soon came to my attention that-HEY, you're supposed to write 'DOMINATE THE WORLD' in all capital letters! You know, like how I always do it on my blog! Oh yes, that's more like it. Any way, it soon came to my attention that Eritrea's 'president' (cough, dictator, cough) hit the pasture recently. So I suggested to his minions or whatever they call themselves to make me their dictator! It'd save them all the trouble of electing a new 'president' or killing each other all over deciding who was to rule next," Johnson reports,"So yeah, I've basically been dictating it from here. All I have to do is tell 'em what to do through E-mail and Facebook!"
The causes of Eritrea's unexpected and sudden economic spurt are yet to be explained, though according to Johnson, "Well, obviously the country's skyrocketing because I'm in charge of it! Get with the program here!"
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