Feeling christmas spirit now

I was in a bad mood, so I got onto YouTube to lift my spirits. I looked up the Christmas Shoes song to read the comments on the music video. I rue that song and reading my fellow haters comments would lift my spirits.

What I read quiet surprised me. Turns out, some sickos actually like that song! How depressing! There I was, anticipating messages of unfathomable loathing, but was faced with comments like "Love this song so much makes me bawl my eyes out every time really feeling christmas spirit now" and "I love the guts out of this." Now I have a headache from reading the poorly punctuated comments and my spirits weren't lifted at all.

To make myself feel good, I commented on the video. They were comments like. "My heart is a bottle root beer and it is the root beer of hatred! And this song is shaking that root beer insomuch that it is about to EXPLODE!!!" And "This song is like a waffle with syrup, whip cream, ice cream, strawberries, butter, fried butter, crushed pop tarts, bacon bits, and chocolate on it."

Feeling christmas spirit now!

Issues

So I've discussed earlier about how people have issues with Disney princesses and their movies. They say that the stories depict women as "weak" and are not good influences for girls.

But the princesses are all hard workers. They clean houses very well. And they all have a sweet demeanor. These are good traits.

What's the big deal, anyway? Is Shakespeare to be banned from schools because Romeo isn't a good role model for boys?

I like the way that Disney adapted the stories. Why take issue with the movie Cinderella when in her original story her step-sisters gruesomely tried to...never mind. I won't say it. Let's just say that they were pretty darn desperate to fit into that slipper.

Love Plots

There are 5 basic love plots:

Love at first sight. This love scenario has been banned from storytelling ever since parents decided that it was "unrealistic" or whatever. They are complaining that the old Disney princess movies are bad models for children because they teach them that people can fall in love on the spot. Love at first sight is OK by me because some stories have too much action and don't have time to deal with how the two characters fell in love. Which would you rather watch, Prince Philip fight a dragon, or him slowly easing into a relationship with Aurora and dealing with his increasingly romantic feelings for her? Watch cool French Revolution battle scenes with amazing character development, or watch Cozete and Marius discovering their love for each other after their fiftieth date? Think about priorities! Just wrap all the falling in love stuff in a song and call it good.

Forbidden love. This often includes an unwanted arranged marriage.

Hate turning into love. Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was the pioneer in chic flicks. You know, the rich guy, the free spirited girl, and they hate each other. Or in this first case, the girl hates the guy.  Anyway, they hate and are annoyed with each other, and somehow they eventually fall in love.

And then there's the love triangle. In some cases, a character has to choose between the other two people in the triangle. But someone is always the odd one out.

I watched a recording of The Phantom of the Opera performed at Albert Hall. At the end, fifty something year old Sarah Brightmen sang the title song. For those of you uncultured buffoons  who don't know who she is, she's the original Christine. Singing with her were four actors who played the part of the Phantom many, many years ago.

It made me think. Love triangles are old. But what about a love hexagon? Why not have four Phantoms? Who are all in love with Christine?

I can just see it:

"Sing, my angel of music!"
"Sing for ME!"
"No, sing for MEEEEE!."
"No, me!"
"Ach! Not that high! That note hurts my ears!"

Ummm, how about no. One physio, deranged villain is quite enough. 

Improvements

I've been thinking, as always. This time I was pondering about The Phantom of the Opera musical. Can you conjure up ways that they could make that musical even better?

First of all, I can't help but think that the Phantom needs a comical sidekick. Like a talking monkey! Those never get old! Oh, oh, wait! My powerful mind has produced an even better idea. Not a talking monkey, but a talking bird! The role can be played by the same voice actor who did that one parrot in Aladdin. It's genius!

That was all sarcasm. Just making sure you're awake. Surely you know that your future dictator finds such vermin loathable.

Petitioning

I have decided to start a petition. The petition will convince the school board to put me at it's head. I believe that dominating my school district will be a crucial step to DOMINATING THE WORLD.

I took the petition to Harry Potter High. When I asked my fans to sign it, they all smiled and laughed and signed it. They're all so devoted! When ever I bring up my DOMINATING THE WORLD, their jubilance becomes too powerful to hold back and they express it with laughter! Isn't that something? Followers who laugh with joy at the very thought of my dictatorship!

I'm taking a stand against obesity!

Obesity is quite an issue in our society. You will all be comforted to know that I am taking a stand against it! First of all, my perfect figure serves as a role model to all!

Second of all, I help obese people-UGH! Obese is such a long word. Do I really have to wright it out every time? Why don't I just call them fatties?  Anyway, I help fatties feel good about themselves. You will never hear me tell fat jokes or use derogatory, discriminatory terms to refer to them.

Speaking of derogatory, I'm sick of feeling discriminated against! Except for my followers, everyone labels dictators as "evil." Haven't they ever considered that dictating is a service to the world? And isn't it a bit too hasty to make generalizations about them when only so many of them have been corrupt? What about Caesar? If he weren't a decent guy, then why is his name used for marketing? He looks amiable enough on the pizza box and the salad dressing.

I also help fatties to accept themselves. Let's face it, nobody is as curvy and thin as I am! I help fatties accept this. By doing this, I save them a ton of stress.

Lastly, I help them to make good choices. There's a fatty in my church who is well, fat. But she's super nice and pious! She never misses an opportunity to serve others. Recently, she helped me on a project for my online school. She put so much effort into helping me succeed! So I decided to make some cookies and give them to her. After some afterthought, I decided against it. This lady really doesn't need more food. What kind of ruthless human being would tempt her with delectable treats? I made the right choice and did not bring her anything! I made a stand against obesity!

I could have done that project without her help, anyway. :-)

EDITORS NOTE: The attitudes within about overweight people do not reflect the author's. Thank you.

Starting small

I am on the verge of ruling a small, obscure country that you have probably never heard of!

You have failed me.

What, none of you voted for me for president? Yeah sure, I'm too young to run for president, put you can still vote for me! You should have at least showed your complete and utter devotion!

I decided to start my own political party. Those who belong to it shall be known as the..the...um...more details later! First of all, my party's motives and goals:

TO SUPPORT THEIR RULER ON HER QUEST TO DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!

Fix all of the worlds problems (Again more details on how we'll actually do this later. First things first, we have to actually get me in my rightful position.)

To be excellent to each other and party on dudes!!!

Rid the world of zombies, vampires, pirates, and ninjas. Except for the good ones. And the attractive ones! What kind of heartless, cold person would I be if I eliminated one of the teen girls' favorite objects of attraction? I heard that zombies are the new vampires. I never understood how girls found those bloodsuckers appealing, but the zombie thing baffles me even more. What is this generation coming to, finding the undead hopelessly romantic?


Supposedly, the vampires in the romance novels are "good" and only drink animal blood. I am inferring that "good" zombies only eat the organs that people don't need, like their appendix or tonsils or one of their kidneys. Maybe part of their brains, too, sense they only use ten percent of it.

In my parents' day, girls knew to stay away from such creatures, for fear that their heart or blood or  essential organs would be eaten in a scene of gore!


Actually, let me reconsider the last one. Maybe vampires and zombies and pirates should be exterminated. All of them. It's for your own good, girls. If you go around dating those kind of guys, you're going to wound up eaten or looted. I hear that the three of these character types have organized  a corrupt organization of organ thieves! And what would their main target be?

Teenage girls.

Yes, first they lure their victims in with their six packs and impressive, manly flesh wounds and then they attack!!!

But if your organs get stolen, you should be grateful that someone out there who's dying gets it! Granted, they would've had to pay up some gold doubloons or the like to the thieves to get it, but still, you saved someone's life. So cheer up!

The right and the wrong

Today is Election Day. The fate of the country is put into the hands of average citizens. Each has the opportunity to vote for or against leaders and laws.

It has got me thinking about how for every issue there is a right or wrong side. There is no gray, either a position is right or wrong. Either the people holding that position are right or wrong.

It's quite devastating for one such as I to think about all of the wrong people in the world. And the few right people are pounded on by the wrong! For of course the wrong ones don't consider themselves to be wrong. They are led by the delusion that they are right.

Ordinary people are allowed to make decisions and to vote! Ordinary people can very well be wrong!  The consequences we face because of the wrong people! People with the wrong positions! The wrong views! Opinions! Way of thinking!

Opinions are only opinions if they're wrong. If they're right, then it's a fact.

The world is in desperate need of a dictator. Why should it rely on biased, easily mislead people to vote? Is the majority of the people always going to be right?

Have corrupt leaders ever seized power by elections? By the very voice of the people?

I am to dominate the world and protect its delicate balance. I have been given a rational mind that easily differentiates the right and wrong. Democracy and choice of the people won't be needed to determine what's best for the world. Not when I control every aspect. There will be no controversies.

Only right and wrong, by my standards.

Interacting with my inferiors

One would think that my fellow drama students would be intimidated by me. I'm certain that they are, everyone is of their superiors. I mean, after I DOMINATE THE WORLD, I will have the authority to ruin their lives! Once I'm in charge, foolish claims such as “Gerald Butler is a better phantom than Michael Crawford” will be considered as blasphemy and no one will have the audacity to spread such lies.

Anyway, despite having this knowledge, the students and I laugh together, act together, and taunt the demeanor of the football players together.

They even refer to me as “the future dictator!” It was my idea. I thought that it would be most beneficial to my cause, and they agreed.

Today, Collete, Suzanna, and Kirsten, my most devoted followers, were talking about boys. They had height, eye color, hair color, profession, shoe size, blood type, size of Adam's apple, eyelash length, classification of fingerprint, and other detailed requirements for their future husbands. Dreamily they discussed their current crushes and how attractive they found zombie slayers.

I listened and said nothing. My silence is uncustomary, for I always have something dazzlingly witty to say. Collete eventually turned to me and asked what sort of guys I like.

“I don't like any boys.”

“Right. You're supposed to like boys! It's your job!”

“There is not a single boy on the face of the planet worthy of my slightest attention. Except Harry Potter, but he's not single. And Frodo lives in the Middle Earth. Not to mention he's of another species.”

“What do you mean?” Suzanna asked. “Oh yeah, that's right. You're going to DOMINATE THE WORLD, so no man's worthy of you.” (To them, any boy older than 14 is a “man.”)

How understanding they all are! It's so hard to be perfect. So lonely to be superior. No one appreciates what a burden it is to be me!

At last, followers!

I have prevailed and the execution my mission to dominate the school and then the world is at hand!

At last, FOLLOWERS!

I have made the wise choice of spending my time with the drama/band/choir students. Quickly I have discovered that the jocks and popular people are dimwits not worth my time. They're all so wrapped around their little world where their biggest concerns are who is the homecoming queen or which school wins the football game or who's the school president. I can guarantee that the position of “class president” or whatever will be of little consequence when I DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!

The drama/band/choir kids are more interested in who plays roles in the movie adaptions of Broadway musicals and who gets solos in the school concerts. The arts are a much more important area to be concerned about rather than silly little popularity contests.

Even more important, these art people are supportive in my quest to CONQUER THE WORLD!!!!

We were all talking together and decided to go around in a circle and tell everyone what our goals for careers are. One by one, they expressed their dreams of becoming dentists or interior designers or whatever. It was soon my turn, and I told them for the first time that I want to become the supreme dictator and DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!

Laughter.

And then, “Do you really? Why?”

“Because,” I replied, “I am the only human being capable of ending all of our world's problems.”

“Yeah, if only someone would take over the world and make everyone do as they say.”

“Precisely my train of thought! If everyone were to be forced to be as perfect as I am, we would prosper!”

“Agreed! Democracy is so overrated.”

Oh, goody! Minds of clear and rational thought, perfect for my molding! “Yes! Yes! This glorious plan is yet to be fulfilled! Join me, and you can take part in creating the empire that would defy everything we knew! Support my cause and I will spare you!”

They then swore their allegiance to me!

I love those guys. If only everyone were as gullible.  

In which her esteemed majesty denounces mild profanity

At Harry Potter High School (might as well start calling it what it soon will be) the teens there frequently use this word. I won't actually type this word, for such profanity is beneath me, but for your comprehension, I'll write it in its Pig Latin form: Rapcay.

I wont be so hasty as to call those who use it beneath me. I shall exercise my mercy and assume that their simple minds just don't know the meaning of it. Yes, I am very much inclined to believe that they don't know the definition of the word because of the way they use it.

Example: In the lunch room, some girls left their table, leaving behind wrappers and napkins and such. One boy saw the messy table and exclaimed, "Who left their rapcay on the table???"

Of course, these girls did not leave such a thing on the table.

I also often hear "That scared the rapcay out of me!"

Um, gross. And TMI. You didn't really do that, did you?

Even worse:

That movie scares the rapcay out of me every time.

Uh, have you seen a doctor about this?

Hence, either there's another secret definition to this word or people are dealing a lot more with rapcay than I thought.

This post would have a shockingly witty title, but considering what a busy woman I am, I'll just call it "Untitled."

When I set foot in that school, I expected them all to know who I am. Seeing as I have not posted a picture of my beautiful face on this blog, they wouldn't know me by seeing me, but they should know my name. They must have read my blog! Perchance they have read it, but haven't made the connection that I am it's author. It's such an incomprehensible work of genius that it's difficult for the human mind to associate an actual person with it.

The school is named Emily Dickens High School, but I'm renaming it John Lennon High School or Harry Potter High School once I DOMINATE MY PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL. They have done more good for the world and therefor deserve some acknowledgment. 

When that happens, I'm diffidently adding magic practices to the curriculum.

Friends Shmiends

This year I started to take a Drama class at the local public high school.

According to my mother, it is important to have social experiences in addition to superior education. So she insisted that I go to the lunch period before my class and "make friends."

Making friends is good and all, but what I need is devout followers. Besides, I believe that I am not a candidate for anyone's friendship. Who could blame them? If you were an average, puerile teen, would you approach a genius and view her as friendship material when you saw one?

I most certainly don't consider any of them as  capable of doing anything as to earn my favor.

Oh, so you want proof that homeschooling rocks, eh?

I already gave proof. Because I said so. What more dost thou needest?

For my own pleasure, I will elaborate on the subject.

Many argue that homeschoolers don't learn as much as public schoolers. (How dare you reprimand me, spell check! Homeschoolers and schooler are words!) Well, I can prove that wrong!

Charlie Chaplin was homeschooled, and so was Albert Einstein and Joan of Arc!!!

Well, of course, Joan of Arc never really learned how to read or write. I don't know much about her, but she did some serious dominating, and that alone means the world to me.

Not to mention, she was in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure! Why put the whole being illiterate thing against her when she was obviously important enough to put in that movie?

Why Homeschooling ROCKS!

Well, because I said so, that's why.

That didn't make any sense, but it sure was funny!

Right now I am babysitting the children of a nice couple while they watch a comedian that's in town. The kids are in bed, so I thought I'd spend now by updating my blog.

After the New Years Eve youth dance that I partied on at the beginning of the year, I carpooled home with other teenagers. My friend Elaina's dad drove us all home. I was the last one to be dropped off, and once all of those other brainless, self-centered teenagers were dispatched of, I was able to be myself. I took no hesitation in spewing off a line of witty and flat out hilarious jokes, all made up by me on the spot.

Later, Elaina's older sister's friend told me that Elaina's dad said that I said some pretty funny things that night.

Of course I'm clever and all, but I acknowledge that the fact that these jokes were told at 2:00 in the morning were made even funnier by the fact that it was, well, 2:00 in the morning. We were all wired! Material that is smile-inducing at a decent hour is converted into upright hysterical-ism after sleep deprivation.

I would indulge you and reveal my great jokes, but I can't recall a word that I said. Everything that happened after 12:00 is a blur.   

Someone should start a comedy show that is at 2:00 AM. That way, everything said will be downright hilarious. A uncultured fool with no sense of humor could get away with saying nonsense. Better yet, no one would be able to remember any of the jokes, except that it was funny. That way, the comedian could tell the same ones for every show!

Gotta go. This house is so gaudily decorated! It's about time it got a makeover. And who better to do it than me? I even brought a gallon of wall paint!

EDITORS NOTE: The incident were I carpooled home after a dance actually did happen and I want to assure you that none of the teenagers involved were actually brainless and self-centered. And the couple I babysat for have a cute, well coordinated house which requires no alteration.  I'm just staying in character here!

Welcome to the world! NOW STEP ASIDE AS I DOMINATE IT!

My mother just had a baby boy! His name is Jean Val Johnson. He is child number 8 in our family, and we are very happy.

I'm just very saddened because he has a dream that can't coexist with mine.

He wants to be the president!



It all started when mom went shopping at Wal-Mart with him. I babysat the rest of my younger siblings so she didn't have to take them with her. I know, I know, how kind of me. Jean is related to me, so of course he's unbelievably gorgeous! Naturally, when my mom goes out, other customers flock around to adore him. One of them was a lady who asked mom if he was her first child. Mom replied that he was her eighth, and her face went zucchini green. It should have been in envy, but it was in disgust. "WHAT ARE MY TWO SONS GOING TO USE FOR TOILET PAPER ONCE YOUR DAUGHTERS USE IT ALL UP???" and with that, she stormed off.

Mom says that her kids will solve the world's problems so the toilet paper thing won't matter.

Undoubtedly, she was referring to my CONQUERING THE WORLD. But Jean Val Johnson seems to think that this applies to him and wants to become president. Of course, he hasn't said this, being an infant and all, but I can see it in his eye. And Mom got him that onesie! (Shown above.)

Oh, Jeanie! You'd be a great president and all, but that can't happen after I CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! I'm doing it for your own good and everyone else's, little guy. Please understand.

Zombvampaninjirates

ZOMBVAMPANINJIRATES!

That one word basically sums up my plan to DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!

Since none of my should-be-completely-loyal-and-willing-to-cough-up-as-much-cash-needed-to-fund-their-dictator's-quest-to-DOMINATE-THE-WORLD-followers have doing their duty (AHEM, EXAGGERATED COUGH, EXAGGERATED COUGH), I've been forced to find other ways to accumulate sufficient sums of dough. I plan on, no I will, do this by creating a franchise of zombvampaninjirates. You see, it is a clever concoction of all of the popular fan-boy characters: zombies, vampires, ninjas, and pirates. I can just see it! Zombvampaninjirates t-shirts! Movies! Posters! Teen girls arguing over which zombvampaninjirate is the hottest!

Ohhh, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! I've hit the marketing JACKPOT!

Zombies, pirates, ninjas, and vampires are all at war right now to get the most money and popularity points from their franchises. With zombvampaninjirates, I'll appease them all, thus earning their loyalty! They'll be so grateful, they'll make me their leader and CONQUER THE WORLD for me!

Oh, I forgot monkeys! How could I? Monkzombvampaninjirates. Hold on. If I add monkeys to the mix, they'll be of another species and then teen girls can't have crushes on them. Ah, well, I hear that monkey servants aren't all that helpful anyway. But they're just so cute!

Guess you can't have everything in life.

Shall we dance?

My church often holds dances for the teenagers. I have recently graced such an event with my presence. 

The dances have a rule that dancing couples should not dance too close to each other. Whenever I saw a boy and girl get a bit too comfortable, I made it my duty to thoroughly chew them out. I'm so good that way! 

I found it quite appalling that the music selection subsisted entirely of pop songs. If I were the DJ, the dances would be Michael Crawford/old musicals/new musicals/the Beatles/classical music MARATHONS! WHOOH!! What's the deal with pop music? What's that one song that goes "Hey! I just met you! And this is crazy! Here's my number!" ????? Why does the girl singing it want some random guy to call her "Maybe?" Is that her name?

It's so inconsiderate to play such music. Don't they know that there are homeschoolers in the midst who have never heard any of the popular songs? Sure, it's great for those people who have them all memorized, but what about me?! Why didn't the people running the dance ask for my music advice?

Overcoming severe setbacks

Everyone admires someone who had to struggle to succeed. No one is impressed by people who achieve their goals with ease. The world is full of inspiring tales of those who fought for what they wanted despite their disabilities, background, poor fashion sense, and other obstacles out of their control. 

I was thinking about it the other day and realized that in order for me to admirably DOMINATE THE WORLD, I'd have to over come extremely difficult circumstances. I thought, what things have I had to overcome?! I mean, I have it all! I'm smart, beautiful, awesome, and I've got ninja skills! I'm always right, and I've got a great family. 

Why did I have to be so darn blessed, I wondered. No wonder I haven't conquered a single, measly country yet! It would contradict the laws of the universe! Nothing's easy, people who are perfect can't just waltz in and claim the world, even if it's their divine right.

Wait a second...

It's all coming back to me.

When I was just a child, our family went to Subway. We ate our food and then I looked at our receipt and lo and behold! It said that if one went on the Subway website, filled out a survey, and entered in a code on the receipt, they could get a free cookie! I had never experienced the wonder of a Subway cookie and thus desired one. So I went online and took my time to fill out their survey (which was a act of pure charity. Everyone loves my advice! Whenever I babysit, I'm kind enough as to take the time to give the parents advice as to how to raise their children, decorate their homes, and what kind of food to buy. I'm so thoughtful that way!) and they e-mailed me a code in which I could use to redeem a cookie.

But there was a catch.

I had to purchase something from Subway to get the cookie.

And the code had an expiration date.

To this day I have not had a Subway cookie.

How dare they not mention the expiration date in the receipt?! And the cookie wasn't free if I had to purchase something to get it! They took advantage of my pure and good heart and made me take that survey for nothing.

Obviously, this ripoff has left me physiologically damaged. There, doesn't that make you feel better? Your future dictator is physiologically damaged! That's what I have to overcome as I DOMINATE THE WORLD!!! 

Sweet vengeance!

One of my many deep, unfathomable, utter, intense loathings is when people have conversations about topics that I'm not interested in. Indeed it's appalling how often I've had to put up with people talking of worthless subjects such as dogs, football, and reality television shows. To discourse about such in front of me is an insult to my intelligence!

Even worse are jokes in which to be able to find amusing one must know of various celebrities, movies, youtube videos, songs and other popular culture subjects. Who is this Justin Bieber guy, and why is everyone making jokes about him? Don't they know that if the future world dictator is in the room, they shouldn't mention people she's never heard of? And people shouldn't joke about stuff like that on the internet either because if I've never heard of it, it's not worth their slightest attention.

As I am a proactive person who does something about things that I despise, I have hatched a plan. It's to CONQUER THE WORLD, obviously, but in the meantime I'll use my influence to weaken the popularity of these subjects! I'll just make jokes and references to subjects that I love! No one will be able to get them unless they memorize all of the lines to my favorite movies, musicals, songs, books etc. They will have to know about my favorite actors! No more of this Justin Bieber, Lady GaGa, football, dogs, American Idol, and Sponge Bob nonsense!

I've already established that I don't do evil laughs. So....

*Dainty, feminine laugh, dainty feminine laugh

The only one who actually does a good evil laugh is Michael Crawford. HA! You'd have to listen to the Phantom of the Opera original London cast soundtrack to know what I'm talking about! Now you know how it feels to feel left out, like you're not cultured enough or something. Because if you haven't listened to that CD, you aren't. Because I said so.

Behold, I have returned!

My most loyal and devoted followers:

My internet is back! I apologize for not being able to post daily during the Summer. What have you all been doing without my glorious and uplifting posts to read ever day? My heart goes out to all of you. I know how difficult it must have been.

However, I must also express disappointment in you. I expected to receive vast quantities of donations from you over the long dreary months. I am doing a huge job, it takes a lot of work to DOMINATE THE WORLD!!! Here I am, so amazingly perfect and willing to take upon me the world to rule. And how have you been showing your appreciation?!  That's right, you haven't been!

Let's get with the program here! Start yielding up your wallets and countries, will ya?!!

Just another post in which it is your duty and privilege to read, as it is written by yours truly, the future dictator

I've decided to have at least six kids when I grow up. It's ambitious I know, but I've been thinking a lot lately about it. You see, I've had to put up with my peers for all my life, and a considerable amount of them are brats. It's probably because they don't have enough siblings to humble them.

(I'm not saying that I'm so perfect and humble because of my 6 younger sibs, I'd process those values even if I were an only child with millionaire parents, of course.)

I figure that it's the kind, decent thing to do to have 6+ kids. I have so many awestrucking qualities, it wouldn't be fair to pass those genes down to just a few fortunate souls. The world is obviously better with me in it, just think of how unfathomably spectacular the world would be with 6 beautiful, perfect children of mine!

Pet Peeves

Everybody has got a pet peeve. I've been trying to discover mine. It's hard to find the one, as you probably understand. There are so many things in life that annoy us! How do you choose one to be your pet peeve?

I was thinking about it, and here are some of my pet peeve options:

Dogs. I hate the way the bark, smell, and obnoxiousness habits. Worse, my blood runs with hatred whenever I see a preview for a Disney's Airbud or Airbuddies. Santa Buddies, Space Buddies, Snow Buddies, Treasure Buddies, Spooky Buddies, thinking of them all make me sick!

Pop music, hip hop, and rap. I am very cultural, artistic person. However, I am cultured in higher arts, not in low art forms that barely pass as music. Pop is practically a bunch of girls singing and they sound like they're in pain.

Any cartoon that is not Avatar: the last Airbender or Phineas and Ferb. Down with Sponge Bob!

People who think that I'm joking about DOMINATING THE WORLD!!!! They're mocking my dreams!

The list goes on.

I've come to realize that these aren't pet peeves, they're deep and passionate loathings.

A post in which a title is not deemed necessary

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post by no means reflects the author's opinion about babysitting and raising children, except for the views expressed about the cast of The Phantom of the Opera.

I babysat some kids recently, and for some reason their parents are mad at me for letting them watch The Phantom of the Opera. 


At first I understood why, because most often the result of children watching that movie is that they start getting this crazy idea that Gerald Butler is better than Michael Crawford, and what kind of loving parent wants that? I realize that some of you reading this aren't as cultured as I am, so I'll explain who those guys are. Michael Crawford played the Phantom in the original Broadway cast (I would say that he is the REAL phantom, but my mom's been worried that I'm unable to distinguish characters and the actors who play them. Don't ask me where she got that idea. It started after that whole Twilight post). And Gerald Butler played the part in the movie. Michael Crawford is a much better singer. Mom would also say that's an opinion, but it isn't an opinion, it's a fact! As future dictator of the world, I draw the line between facts and opinions.

But the parents weren't even mildly concerned about their children's taste in singers! Their reasoning for their children not watching it is that it's rated PG-13. Ha. Ratings Shratings. That movie has hardly any inappropriate parts! You know, except for the swearing. And the dark thematic elements. And the blood. And the sword fights. And the scary part with the gypsies. And the part where Raoul almost drowned. And the part where Raoul was almost strangled. And all of those guys who actually were strangled.  And the skimpy costumes.  The very skimpy costumes. Christine practically hung out in her 1800s French underwear for half the time. Granted, underwear covered up a lot in those days, but she still should have covered up more. "Hello, Phantom. Would you mind if I changed into something a bit less showy before we sing our 'Phantom of the Opera' song? Thanks."

But besides all of that stuff, it's a family friendly, fun, cute movie. Although for some reason, those adjectives aren't often used to describe it....

Hablo espanol!

I'm studying Spanish in my homeschooling studies. You can ask my parents why I have to do that, since I'm going to make French the official world language once I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

It's kind of fun to be able to speak it, admittedly. It makes me feel special! 

QUIERO TU SANGRE!!!!!

That means, "I want your blood" in Spanish. I inspired to write that after thinking about my post about Edward. 

Or, if he were talking to an esteemed person, he would say "Quiero SU sangre!!!!"

I haven't read any of the Twilight books, but apparently Edward wants Bella's blood and that's romantic or something. I'm not exactly sure why. I blame being homeschooled for my abnormal sense of romance.

Wait just one second here....I'm not abnormal in a bad way! I'm abnormal in the sense that I'm superior to everyone else!!! Besides, those other teenagers are the abnormal ones! As future dictator, I deem that finding blood cravings as romantic and attractive is ABNORMAL!!! 

So there!

Girls my age are always saying to me "Why haven't you read Twilight yet? What, are you still into fairies and stuff?" And I proudly respond "Indeed, I find Tinkerbell much more enthralling than any other book about lustful teenagers and blood and kissing and vampires and the like! In fact, you can soon kiss your Twilight  propaganda items goodbye, because the time of my DOMINATING THE WORLD is at hand, and assuredly such distractions can't be legal in my perfect kingdom!"

I don't know why I'm getting myself so worked up about Twilight, because it will undoubtedly fade in popularity soon. It's not like Harry Potter, which is going to last FOREVER!!!

Editor's note

We're getting rid of our internet soon. We won't get it back until school starts. Just a heads up that my posts will be less frequent for a while.

Also, I think that I might want to keep Rosetta 14 years old forever. I know, I've been posting about my, I mean her, birthday for a while, but let's just assume that she'll remain 14. I've figured out that realistically aging a comical fictional character some how makes him or her less comical and fictional.

Eight days a week!

I have always loved the Beatles. I like that one song that goes "Eight days a week! Is not enough to show I care! Oh, I need your love, babe, just like I need you! Ohhhh..."

Hey, that reminds me...eight more days until my birthday!

Oh, mother of mine!

"Hey mom, can I go to Forks?"

"Um, why do you want to go to Forks?"

"Because that's where Edward Cullen lives!"

"I thought that you didn't like Twilight. Wasn't it just yesterday when you were making fun of Amber for liking it? What were your words exactly? Oh yes, I remember. 'Mom, Amber is an insolent fool for continually turning the subject of our discourses to Twilight.'"

"I find it very aggravating that you're hastily forming the conclusion that I am now a fan of something I loathe simply based on the fact that I desire to go to Forks because that is the place where Edward dwells. No, I want to go to Forks because I plan to capture Edward! Honestly, mother, haven't you been keeping up on my blog?"

"Um, right. That taking over the world thing. Sweetie, you know that Edward isn't real, right?"

"Of course he's real. I've seen pictures of him."

"You mean you've seen pictures of Robert Pattinson, the actor. You know, he was Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?"

"How dare you even associate anything related to Twilight with a masterpiece like Harry Potter! Besides, I'm homeschooled. Do you really expect me to know these celebrity names and such?"

"No really, here, I'll show you."

So then my mom got on the internet and showed me pictures of this Pattinson guy. And yes, he is Edward and was Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. 

Part of being humble is admitting what one is incapable of. And you know how humble I am, so I'll admit it. I cannot capture Edward.

Besides from the fact that he's fictional, I'm too scared of him to do such a thing. Kind of like how I'm too scared to say that I don't like the actor who plays the Phantom in the movie Phantom of the Opera because he's scary! He'll like, hunt me down or something. I saw him do it to people in the movie.

Although I do have respect for mercilessly dealing with one's enemies...

I read somewhere that being able to distinguish fiction from reality is part of mental health. I can't think of anyone who's mentally healthier than me!

Comment: Gerald Butler's not the Phantom! He's a Phantom pretender!

DOMINATING THE WORLD: Part 2

In order to dominate the world, I will simply have to hold Edward from Twilight hostage and in order to see him alive again his fan girls will have to give me large sums of money and/or their countries!

LOL!

I hear that Princess Kate Middleton has a thing for fictional vampire male characters, so I can start considering England mine.

I don't quite get why girls are giving such a fuss over this guy, anyway. He's so pale and creepy and vampirey. (Vampirey is an adjective that I made up. It means "vampire like." I also made another word called "What-the-hecky." It is an adjective that is used to describe something that is outrageous or awesome or outrageously awesome or just plain makes you want to say "what the heck.")

Is there something lovable about this face?

Um, he looks like he wants to kill someone. It's kind of creeping me out. He's saying "I WANT YOUR BLOOD!!!!"

Yeah, I promised you all that I'd post pics of cute guys on my blog, and all I've done is put pictures of pale and creepy and vampirey vampires. Sorry. Here are some pictures of some really cute guys:

Ohhh! Soooooo cuuuuute!

Baby Harry Potter! Ohh, boys don't get cuter than this!

Ha! You wish!

Apparently, some fool is alluded and fancies himself worthy as my competitor for DOMINATING THE WORLD!!!

Here's his blog address:

 http://mikemaster98.blogspot.com/

Little does he know that I was born to rule!

And how do I know that?

Without me, the world wouldn't be what it is today.

I'll prove it:

You see, over a decade ago, a woman named J.K Rowling thought "Gee, someday a girl will be born. She'll be so amazingly awesome! I must write a worthy novel so that she'll have some good literature to read." And so she wrote Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Hundreds of years ago, the Aztecs discovered and invented chocolate. They did this because they knew that some day, a girl of such superior awesomeness would be born, and she would need something sweet to eat.

1942, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue to discover America, so that she could live there.

Over a quarter of a century ago, Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote The Phantom of the Opera to provide awesome music for her. 

I have the divine right to rule! Because of my existence, Harry Potter, chocolate, America, and Phantom have been created!

So there. Move aside, little dictator wannabes!  

Wait just one moment, I think that you've got Birthday roles mixed up here!

Every summer, my church has this thing called "Girls Camp" for girls ages 12-18. This year it just so happens to be on my birthday.

I told this to Sister Flowers, and she said to celebrate, I should bring treats to Girls Camp to share with everyone.

Uh, hold on for a minute, Sister Flowers, did you mean that everybody else should be bringing treats to Girls Camp for moi? (Note that I used the French word for "me!" Oh, and speaking of which, French will be the world's official language once I'm in charge. As much as I like English, I've come to realize that it's not very pretty sounding.)

I mean, come on! The Birthday Girls receives, everybody else gives! What has gotten into our culture?! I bet that in Japan, nobody even dreams of suggesting that the Birthday Girl provides treats to share with everybody else.

19 more days to prepare for the world's greatest holiday! (Scroll down and read my previous posts if you can't guess.)

Teen out!

As you've undoubtedly noticed, I am way more mature than most, I mean all, other teenagers. Most of the time maturity is good, but not for gaining popularity points.

I think that it's time to accept the facts that people are intimidated by my genius and maturity. If I ever want to be hip and cool (which I already am, of course! I just have to act differently so that people know that) I've got to start acting like a normal teenager. So that means that I'll adapt to text language and completely ignore elementary grammar and punctuation rules. Observe:

lol 2day i went 2 the mall 

See? I've got the hang of it already! Oops, I mean iv got this txtn thing dwn

oh, & teen grls also like to post pics of cute guys on their blgs  id post some now, but i cant think of any cute guys  hmmm  mybe ill post some 2morrow

now if any1 asks me a question ill just say IDK! if i do that, ill save 3 syllables. oh wait, i actually won't save any syllables or effort, if im actually talking to some1 in person

wats the pt. of this txt language anyway???????????????????????

when i DOMINATE THE WORLD ill make txt language illegal!! ha! then peeps will actually have 2 talk 2 each other in person

yeah, i stink @ this txtn stuff. its kinda shattering im usually perfect @ everything

thats why i have 2 destroy txtn!

lol

   

National anthem ideas, anyone?

Once I CONQUER THE WORLD, some countries will be getting new national anthems. I'm thinking that France's will be the title song from Phantom of the Opera. It's very fitting, since all of the great musicals take place in France. (Ok, ok, that's an over generalization. Only Phantom, Les Miserables, and Hunchback of Notre Dame take place in France. That is, if you count the Disney animated The Hunchback of Notre Dame.)

I'm still thinking about the other ones. I'll hire a songwriter someday to write the world's international anthem.

OK, time to cough up...

My last post was an attempt to get rich quick. I was kind of hoping that in gratitude of that free advertising for grape-nuts, Post Cereal would give me their company, and using their company I could CONQUER THE WORLD!

(Teenage girl giggle, teenage girl giggle)

We'll see if grape-nuts are still my favorite cereal after I DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!...

Let's see how well this tactic works for the Hunger Games....

Your Future Dictator reads Hunger Games!!! I have a very tight schedule, you know, being homeschooled and planning to TAKE OVER THE WORLD is very hard work. But I make time for Hunger Games! I even saw the movie...in the movie theater! WOW! So you should, too. In fact, why don't you blow a ton of money on Hunger Games merchandise? How many HG posters do you own? WHAT?!! You say that you don't own 4?!!! You should have a minimum of 4, or you're not a devoted HG fan! You need one with Katniss, one with Gale, and one with Peeta, and one all together! Not to mention a closet of HG t-shirts...

If you don't buy enough merchandise, Katniss's family will starve! So get shopping, for her sake.

Depicted at the top are examples of the posters that shall be yours!

Your Future Dictator Eats Grape-Nuts For Breakfast...

....And so should you!

They don't have any sugar in them! Or brown sugar! Or confectioners sugar! Or toxic waste! Or high fructose corn syrup! Or cocaine! Or coconut oil! 

Existence is meaningless without grape-nuts. On days where I'm depressed, I just eat more grape-nuts and I'm happy! If it weren't for grape-nuts, my life would have no purpose.

(Except for the fact that I'd still be breathtakingly beautiful, smart, humble, and AMAZING. And I could still CONQUER THE WORLD.)

I know how to get our country out of debt!!

Duh! Hunger Games!

Do you know what the box office was for the Hunger Games movie? It's $624,405,528. 

Whoa.

So here's the plan: First, I've got to CONQUER AMERICA. (Which will not be an easy feat, seeing how we Americans have this deeply rooted belief that all dictators are evil or something.) Then, I'll tell Lionsgate Studio to make more Hunger Games movies and donate the money to get our country out of debt!

I would run for President, but I don't want to have to wait for the next election. Plus, I'm not old enough to. Plus plus, I'm broke. Plus plus plus, I think that it'd be easier to just CONQUER AMERICA!!!!!!

Maybe if you all donated more money to my cause, I could run...

Guess who's birthday is in a month?

I have an announcement to make! My birthday is exactly a month away from today. I know that it's such short notice. You're all probably thinking A month! How am I supposed to get my future dictator a suitable present in just one month?! But don't worry, I've decided to get presents the Japanese way this year. There's this American maxim that goes "It's the thought that counts," but I read that in Japan, giving someone the rightly priced gift is more important than the gift itself. So instead of spending a long time getting a thoughtful gift for your future dictator, you can just give me a heck of a lot of cash! I think that a heck of a lot of cash is very thoughtful, anyway.

By the way, whoever posted that anonymous comment on my last post, I don't think that I have a ton of followers because I'm homeschooled! I know that I have a ton of followers because I'm just awesome like that.

DOMINATING THE WORLD: part I

I know that I have not posted for ten days. I apologize for this, my adoring followers. I know how long, dreary, and empty those days have been for you. But alas, here I am! I am back with a progress report.

You see, my unfathomably genius mind has been devising a plan for the first step of me CONQUERING THE WORLD!!!! (My delicate pinkie isn't sore from pressing the shift button whenever I type CONQUERING THE WORLD any more because one of my loyal and devoted  followers introduced me to the "caps lock" button.)

I've decided to start with  CONQUERING MY TOWN'S SCHOOL DISTRICT!!! Our school district needs conquering. I'm home schooled  because the district proved to be incapable of fulfilling my superior mind's needs. Who better to CONQUER THE SCHOOL DISTRICT than me?

So, I wrote this letter to the school board:

Dear Sirs:

Undoubtedly, you have heard of me from my rapidly increasing followers. Perhaps you have read my blog, which I am sure is becoming an immensely popular phenomenon. Behold, it is I, your future world dictator!!!

My plan to DOMINATE THE WORLD is inevitable, it will happen with or without your assistance. But here I am, asking for it. I demand that you hand over your precious district to me, seeing as you have failed to run it properly. If you don't comply, a disaster beyond your wildest dreams will occur!

If my wishes are met, you can keep your six figure income.

Your future dictator,

Rosetta Ever Johnson


The school board has not yet responded to my letter! How dare they keep me waiting?! They probably just don't take me seriously because I'm home schooled.

Progress Report

Well, I was going to execute my first step of DOMINATING THE WORLD today. What's with the was,  you ask? How come I said that I was going to DOMINATE THE WORLD today and not I am going to DOMINATE THE WORLD today?

'Cause  my parents said that I have to clean my room.

I asked them why my 4 sisters who share the room couldn't do it while I DOMINATE THE WORLD, and they said that it wouldn't be fair.

And tomorrow's the Sabbath, so I can't DOMINATE THE WORLD then!

No one understands a future world dictator.

Disney Princesses are AWESOME!

A lot of people are saying that Disney princesses aren't good role models for young girls. Word on the street is that they teach girls that life is all about looks, getting a prince, and living happily ever after. Supposedly, they are a bad influence on children.

But I grew up with the Disney princesses, and look how great I turned out to be! 

People are complaining that the princesses give girls a false idea of what their body should look like. But seriously, I look just like a Disney princess.

By the way, I figured out how to put that picture up all by myself! Aren't I so smart? Aren't you so grateful that someone so clever, resourceful, intelligent and humble is going to CONQUER THE WORLD?

Here are some pictures of strong female characters that I look up to. They inspire me on my dream to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Why can't people just accept that I'm always right?!

Yesterday, I went to my youth group meeting and got in an argument with this one guy. He's on the high school's debate team. Debate team kids are sooooo annoying because they think that they're so smart and always right!

We argued about my wanting to dominate the world. Whenever he said something about how dominating the world is "not ethical" or whatever, I argued his points with logic and overall superior reasoning. But did he listen to my superior logic and reasoning? NO! Even though I was obviously on correct grounds, he just kept on debating my points! Finally, I just told him that he was not being logical and that this argument was a waste of my time and energy. I've got better things to do than "debating" with such simpletons.

And do you know what he said to that?! He told me that I just said that as an excuse for not being able to think of more arguments. The nerve! Does he have any idea of who he's dealing with? His future dictator, that's who! If I wasn't in such an amiable mood, I would've been reduced to throwing unbearable quantities of witty, crushing insults at him! 

But I didn't, and that's what makes me such a good person!

Only 23,703 days left to CONQUER THE WORLD!

The life expectancy for an American woman is 80 years.

So that's 29,120 days. (Not counting leap years.)

I'm already 14 years and 321 days old. So I have 23,703 days left to live. That's only 23,703 days left TO CONQUER THE WORLD!

(My poor, delicate pinkie finger is getting tired of pressing the shift button whenever I type out CONQUER THE WORLD!)

The life expectancy is higher in Japan. I think that I'll move there so that I can live longer. Konichiwa, Japan, here I come! Of course, I'll have to CONQUER JAPAN before I move there. I'd better get a move on.

It's ok, I forgive you all. I understand.

My soul is wallowing in the depths of deep and unimaginable sorrow. Why? Because no one has posted a comment on my blog yet! I've had it for 3 days and I thought that I would have more success than this by now.

Despite my lack of commenters, (I had to make that word up. I figure that I'm aloud to make up words, as I'm the future world dictator. Shakespeare made up words, and what was his excuse?) I am not giving up hope. I'm sure that millions of readers are reading my blog, awed and inspired at my awesomeness. They are all thinking to themselves Wow, this girl is impossibly AWESOME! Oh, I can't believe that I'm fortunate enough to live in her day! Oh, that I'll live to see her DOMINATE THE WORLD! If only I had the courage to comment on her blog. But she's just too awesome! Will my comment be worthy for her great and intelligent eyes? Undoubtedly, this is what's stirring in the hearts of my adoring readers, but they're all just too intimidated by me to comment on any of my posts.

Fear not, my subjects! I know that it's too much to ask for a comment that's worthy for my great and intelligent eyes, but could you please comment on my posts? If I get a ton of followers and commenters, then companies will want to put adds on my blog. If I get ads, I can use that money for my funds. My funds go towards a very noble cause: they will help me to achieve my goal of DOMINATING THE WORLD!!!!!!!

Feel free to donate!

Nobody is perfect....

Nobody is perfect.

So the saying goes.

But, hey?! What about me? Obviously, I'm perfect. Those who don't acknowledge this truth are simply blinded by overwhelming envy.

Man, everyone is ahead of me!

I love the musical Wicked. I've never seen it, but I know enough of the story to like it. Wicked is about a witch named Glenda the Good who overthrows the Wizard of Oz and then CONQUERS OZ! See, I especially like the conquering part. I also heard that there's this subplot with a character named Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, but that's not important. What's important is Glenda's success with conquering her world!

When I grow up, I want to be just like Glenda! Maybe after I dominate the world, they'll make a musical about it!

But Glenda has an unfair advantage: she's popular! I am regretful to admit it, but although I am beautiful, smart, witty, clever, humble and wonderful, I am not popular. Well, duh, I'm home schooled!

I will rise above my low popularity status and someday I will CONQUER THE WORLD! And I'll do it without being popular.

I'm soooo depressed!

So, I've been watching this show called Avatar: The Last Air Bender. It's the best show ever, but it's making me depressed. Why, you ask?

Because there's this character in it named Azula. At the end of the second season, Azula conquers the Earth Kingdom almost single-handed! And guess how old she is? She's 14! That's my age! I am as old as Azula and have I conquered an Earth Kingdom?! NO! I haven't even conquered my own room! (I share with 4 of my sisters.)

Do you know what I'm going to do about this? Well, first I'm going to have a pity party for myself. Anyone who's reading this is welcome to write sympathizing, encouraging messages to me. 

After I mope for a while, I'll eat ice cream! And after the ice cream, I'll do something about counquering the world.

Hello and prepare to be amazed!

Hello, everyone! My name is Rosetta  Ever Johnson. I'm 14 years old and I'm home-schooled.

Now I bet your wondering: "why would I want to read about a 14 year old girl who's home-schooled?"

You want to read my blog because someday I will CONQUER THE WORLD!

Everyone has this crazy idea that all world dictator wannabes are well...evil. History is full of evil dictator wannabes: Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Voldemort, Sauron, Invader Zim, Doctor Doofensmirtz, Fire Lord Ozai, etc. etc. 

But I'm different than those guys because I want to take over the world for good reasons! I mean, who better than me to rule the earth? I'm so beautiful, smart, good, humble, heroic, brave, and gosh, just thinking about how perfect I am even makes me jealous of myself!

I'd better turn in. Even beings so utterly powerful as myself need beauty sleep.