When I set foot in that school, I expected them all to know who I am. Seeing as I have not posted a picture of my beautiful face on this blog, they wouldn't know me by seeing me, but they should know my name. They must have read my blog! Perchance they have read it, but haven't made the connection that I am it's author. It's such an incomprehensible work of genius that it's difficult for the human mind to associate an actual person with it.
The school is named Emily Dickens High School, but I'm renaming it John Lennon High School or Harry Potter High School once I DOMINATE MY PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL. They have done more good for the world and therefor deserve some acknowledgment.
When that happens, I'm diffidently adding magic practices to the curriculum.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friends Shmiends
This year I started to take a Drama class at the local public high school.
According to my mother, it is important to have social experiences in addition to superior education. So she insisted that I go to the lunch period before my class and "make friends."
Making friends is good and all, but what I need is devout followers. Besides, I believe that I am not a candidate for anyone's friendship. Who could blame them? If you were an average, puerile teen, would you approach a genius and view her as friendship material when you saw one?
I most certainly don't consider any of them as capable of doing anything as to earn my favor.
According to my mother, it is important to have social experiences in addition to superior education. So she insisted that I go to the lunch period before my class and "make friends."
Making friends is good and all, but what I need is devout followers. Besides, I believe that I am not a candidate for anyone's friendship. Who could blame them? If you were an average, puerile teen, would you approach a genius and view her as friendship material when you saw one?
I most certainly don't consider any of them as capable of doing anything as to earn my favor.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Oh, so you want proof that homeschooling rocks, eh?
I already gave proof. Because I said so. What more dost thou needest?
For my own pleasure, I will elaborate on the subject.
Many argue that homeschoolers don't learn as much as public schoolers. (How dare you reprimand me, spell check! Homeschoolers and schooler are words!) Well, I can prove that wrong!
Charlie Chaplin was homeschooled, and so was Albert Einstein and Joan of Arc!!!
Well, of course, Joan of Arc never really learned how to read or write. I don't know much about her, but she did some serious dominating, and that alone means the world to me.
Not to mention, she was in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure! Why put the whole being illiterate thing against her when she was obviously important enough to put in that movie?
For my own pleasure, I will elaborate on the subject.
Many argue that homeschoolers don't learn as much as public schoolers. (How dare you reprimand me, spell check! Homeschoolers and schooler are words!) Well, I can prove that wrong!
Charlie Chaplin was homeschooled, and so was Albert Einstein and Joan of Arc!!!
Well, of course, Joan of Arc never really learned how to read or write. I don't know much about her, but she did some serious dominating, and that alone means the world to me.
Not to mention, she was in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure! Why put the whole being illiterate thing against her when she was obviously important enough to put in that movie?
Friday, October 12, 2012
That didn't make any sense, but it sure was funny!
Right now I am babysitting the children of a nice couple while they watch a comedian that's in town. The kids are in bed, so I thought I'd spend now by updating my blog.
After the New Years Eve youth dance that I partied on at the beginning of the year, I carpooled home with other teenagers. My friend Elaina's dad drove us all home. I was the last one to be dropped off, and once all of those other brainless, self-centered teenagers were dispatched of, I was able to be myself. I took no hesitation in spewing off a line of witty and flat out hilarious jokes, all made up by me on the spot.
Later, Elaina's older sister's friend told me that Elaina's dad said that I said some pretty funny things that night.
Of course I'm clever and all, but I acknowledge that the fact that these jokes were told at 2:00 in the morning were made even funnier by the fact that it was, well, 2:00 in the morning. We were all wired! Material that is smile-inducing at a decent hour is converted into upright hysterical-ism after sleep deprivation.
I would indulge you and reveal my great jokes, but I can't recall a word that I said. Everything that happened after 12:00 is a blur.
Someone should start a comedy show that is at 2:00 AM. That way, everything said will be downright hilarious. A uncultured fool with no sense of humor could get away with saying nonsense. Better yet, no one would be able to remember any of the jokes, except that it was funny. That way, the comedian could tell the same ones for every show!
Gotta go. This house is so gaudily decorated! It's about time it got a makeover. And who better to do it than me? I even brought a gallon of wall paint!
EDITORS NOTE: The incident were I carpooled home after a dance actually did happen and I want to assure you that none of the teenagers involved were actually brainless and self-centered. And the couple I babysat for have a cute, well coordinated house which requires no alteration. I'm just staying in character here!
After the New Years Eve youth dance that I partied on at the beginning of the year, I carpooled home with other teenagers. My friend Elaina's dad drove us all home. I was the last one to be dropped off, and once all of those other brainless, self-centered teenagers were dispatched of, I was able to be myself. I took no hesitation in spewing off a line of witty and flat out hilarious jokes, all made up by me on the spot.
Later, Elaina's older sister's friend told me that Elaina's dad said that I said some pretty funny things that night.
Of course I'm clever and all, but I acknowledge that the fact that these jokes were told at 2:00 in the morning were made even funnier by the fact that it was, well, 2:00 in the morning. We were all wired! Material that is smile-inducing at a decent hour is converted into upright hysterical-ism after sleep deprivation.
I would indulge you and reveal my great jokes, but I can't recall a word that I said. Everything that happened after 12:00 is a blur.
Someone should start a comedy show that is at 2:00 AM. That way, everything said will be downright hilarious. A uncultured fool with no sense of humor could get away with saying nonsense. Better yet, no one would be able to remember any of the jokes, except that it was funny. That way, the comedian could tell the same ones for every show!
Gotta go. This house is so gaudily decorated! It's about time it got a makeover. And who better to do it than me? I even brought a gallon of wall paint!
EDITORS NOTE: The incident were I carpooled home after a dance actually did happen and I want to assure you that none of the teenagers involved were actually brainless and self-centered. And the couple I babysat for have a cute, well coordinated house which requires no alteration. I'm just staying in character here!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Welcome to the world! NOW STEP ASIDE AS I DOMINATE IT!
My mother just had a baby boy! His name is Jean Val Johnson. He is child number 8 in our family, and we are very happy.
I'm just very saddened because he has a dream that can't coexist with mine.
He wants to be the president!
It all started when mom went shopping at Wal-Mart with him. I babysat the rest of my younger siblings so she didn't have to take them with her. I know, I know, how kind of me. Jean is related to me, so of course he's unbelievably gorgeous! Naturally, when my mom goes out, other customers flock around to adore him. One of them was a lady who asked mom if he was her first child. Mom replied that he was her eighth, and her face went zucchini green. It should have been in envy, but it was in disgust. "WHAT ARE MY TWO SONS GOING TO USE FOR TOILET PAPER ONCE YOUR DAUGHTERS USE IT ALL UP???" and with that, she stormed off.
Mom says that her kids will solve the world's problems so the toilet paper thing won't matter.
Undoubtedly, she was referring to my CONQUERING THE WORLD. But Jean Val Johnson seems to think that this applies to him and wants to become president. Of course, he hasn't said this, being an infant and all, but I can see it in his eye. And Mom got him that onesie! (Shown above.)
Oh, Jeanie! You'd be a great president and all, but that can't happen after I CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! I'm doing it for your own good and everyone else's, little guy. Please understand.
I'm just very saddened because he has a dream that can't coexist with mine.
He wants to be the president!
It all started when mom went shopping at Wal-Mart with him. I babysat the rest of my younger siblings so she didn't have to take them with her. I know, I know, how kind of me. Jean is related to me, so of course he's unbelievably gorgeous! Naturally, when my mom goes out, other customers flock around to adore him. One of them was a lady who asked mom if he was her first child. Mom replied that he was her eighth, and her face went zucchini green. It should have been in envy, but it was in disgust. "WHAT ARE MY TWO SONS GOING TO USE FOR TOILET PAPER ONCE YOUR DAUGHTERS USE IT ALL UP???" and with that, she stormed off.
Mom says that her kids will solve the world's problems so the toilet paper thing won't matter.
Undoubtedly, she was referring to my CONQUERING THE WORLD. But Jean Val Johnson seems to think that this applies to him and wants to become president. Of course, he hasn't said this, being an infant and all, but I can see it in his eye. And Mom got him that onesie! (Shown above.)
Oh, Jeanie! You'd be a great president and all, but that can't happen after I CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! I'm doing it for your own good and everyone else's, little guy. Please understand.
Zombvampaninjirates
ZOMBVAMPANINJIRATES!
That one word basically sums up my plan to DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!
Since none of my should-be-completely-loyal-and-willing-to-cough-up-as-much-cash-needed-to-fund-their-dictator's-quest-to-DOMINATE-THE-WORLD-followers have doing their duty (AHEM, EXAGGERATED COUGH, EXAGGERATED COUGH), I've been forced to find other ways to accumulate sufficient sums of dough. I plan on, no I will, do this by creating a franchise of zombvampaninjirates. You see, it is a clever concoction of all of the popular fan-boy characters: zombies, vampires, ninjas, and pirates. I can just see it! Zombvampaninjirates t-shirts! Movies! Posters! Teen girls arguing over which zombvampaninjirate is the hottest!
Ohhh, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! I've hit the marketing JACKPOT!
Zombies, pirates, ninjas, and vampires are all at war right now to get the most money and popularity points from their franchises. With zombvampaninjirates, I'll appease them all, thus earning their loyalty! They'll be so grateful, they'll make me their leader and CONQUER THE WORLD for me!
Oh, I forgot monkeys! How could I? Monkzombvampaninjirates. Hold on. If I add monkeys to the mix, they'll be of another species and then teen girls can't have crushes on them. Ah, well, I hear that monkey servants aren't all that helpful anyway. But they're just so cute!
That one word basically sums up my plan to DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!
Since none of my should-be-completely-loyal-and-willing-to-cough-up-as-much-cash-needed-to-fund-their-dictator's-quest-to-DOMINATE-THE-WORLD-followers have doing their duty (AHEM, EXAGGERATED COUGH, EXAGGERATED COUGH), I've been forced to find other ways to accumulate sufficient sums of dough. I plan on, no I will, do this by creating a franchise of zombvampaninjirates. You see, it is a clever concoction of all of the popular fan-boy characters: zombies, vampires, ninjas, and pirates. I can just see it! Zombvampaninjirates t-shirts! Movies! Posters! Teen girls arguing over which zombvampaninjirate is the hottest!
Ohhh, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! I've hit the marketing JACKPOT!
Zombies, pirates, ninjas, and vampires are all at war right now to get the most money and popularity points from their franchises. With zombvampaninjirates, I'll appease them all, thus earning their loyalty! They'll be so grateful, they'll make me their leader and CONQUER THE WORLD for me!
Oh, I forgot monkeys! How could I? Monkzombvampaninjirates. Hold on. If I add monkeys to the mix, they'll be of another species and then teen girls can't have crushes on them. Ah, well, I hear that monkey servants aren't all that helpful anyway. But they're just so cute!
Guess you can't have everything in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)