Wait just one moment, I think that you've got Birthday roles mixed up here!

Every summer, my church has this thing called "Girls Camp" for girls ages 12-18. This year it just so happens to be on my birthday.

I told this to Sister Flowers, and she said to celebrate, I should bring treats to Girls Camp to share with everyone.

Uh, hold on for a minute, Sister Flowers, did you mean that everybody else should be bringing treats to Girls Camp for moi? (Note that I used the French word for "me!" Oh, and speaking of which, French will be the world's official language once I'm in charge. As much as I like English, I've come to realize that it's not very pretty sounding.)

I mean, come on! The Birthday Girls receives, everybody else gives! What has gotten into our culture?! I bet that in Japan, nobody even dreams of suggesting that the Birthday Girl provides treats to share with everybody else.

19 more days to prepare for the world's greatest holiday! (Scroll down and read my previous posts if you can't guess.)

Teen out!

As you've undoubtedly noticed, I am way more mature than most, I mean all, other teenagers. Most of the time maturity is good, but not for gaining popularity points.

I think that it's time to accept the facts that people are intimidated by my genius and maturity. If I ever want to be hip and cool (which I already am, of course! I just have to act differently so that people know that) I've got to start acting like a normal teenager. So that means that I'll adapt to text language and completely ignore elementary grammar and punctuation rules. Observe:

lol 2day i went 2 the mall 

See? I've got the hang of it already! Oops, I mean iv got this txtn thing dwn

oh, & teen grls also like to post pics of cute guys on their blgs  id post some now, but i cant think of any cute guys  hmmm  mybe ill post some 2morrow

now if any1 asks me a question ill just say IDK! if i do that, ill save 3 syllables. oh wait, i actually won't save any syllables or effort, if im actually talking to some1 in person

wats the pt. of this txt language anyway???????????????????????

when i DOMINATE THE WORLD ill make txt language illegal!! ha! then peeps will actually have 2 talk 2 each other in person

yeah, i stink @ this txtn stuff. its kinda shattering im usually perfect @ everything

thats why i have 2 destroy txtn!

lol

   

National anthem ideas, anyone?

Once I CONQUER THE WORLD, some countries will be getting new national anthems. I'm thinking that France's will be the title song from Phantom of the Opera. It's very fitting, since all of the great musicals take place in France. (Ok, ok, that's an over generalization. Only Phantom, Les Miserables, and Hunchback of Notre Dame take place in France. That is, if you count the Disney animated The Hunchback of Notre Dame.)

I'm still thinking about the other ones. I'll hire a songwriter someday to write the world's international anthem.

OK, time to cough up...

My last post was an attempt to get rich quick. I was kind of hoping that in gratitude of that free advertising for grape-nuts, Post Cereal would give me their company, and using their company I could CONQUER THE WORLD!

(Teenage girl giggle, teenage girl giggle)

We'll see if grape-nuts are still my favorite cereal after I DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!...

Let's see how well this tactic works for the Hunger Games....

Your Future Dictator reads Hunger Games!!! I have a very tight schedule, you know, being homeschooled and planning to TAKE OVER THE WORLD is very hard work. But I make time for Hunger Games! I even saw the movie...in the movie theater! WOW! So you should, too. In fact, why don't you blow a ton of money on Hunger Games merchandise? How many HG posters do you own? WHAT?!! You say that you don't own 4?!!! You should have a minimum of 4, or you're not a devoted HG fan! You need one with Katniss, one with Gale, and one with Peeta, and one all together! Not to mention a closet of HG t-shirts...

If you don't buy enough merchandise, Katniss's family will starve! So get shopping, for her sake.

Depicted at the top are examples of the posters that shall be yours!

Your Future Dictator Eats Grape-Nuts For Breakfast...

....And so should you!

They don't have any sugar in them! Or brown sugar! Or confectioners sugar! Or toxic waste! Or high fructose corn syrup! Or cocaine! Or coconut oil! 

Existence is meaningless without grape-nuts. On days where I'm depressed, I just eat more grape-nuts and I'm happy! If it weren't for grape-nuts, my life would have no purpose.

(Except for the fact that I'd still be breathtakingly beautiful, smart, humble, and AMAZING. And I could still CONQUER THE WORLD.)

I know how to get our country out of debt!!

Duh! Hunger Games!

Do you know what the box office was for the Hunger Games movie? It's $624,405,528. 

Whoa.

So here's the plan: First, I've got to CONQUER AMERICA. (Which will not be an easy feat, seeing how we Americans have this deeply rooted belief that all dictators are evil or something.) Then, I'll tell Lionsgate Studio to make more Hunger Games movies and donate the money to get our country out of debt!

I would run for President, but I don't want to have to wait for the next election. Plus, I'm not old enough to. Plus plus, I'm broke. Plus plus plus, I think that it'd be easier to just CONQUER AMERICA!!!!!!

Maybe if you all donated more money to my cause, I could run...

Guess who's birthday is in a month?

I have an announcement to make! My birthday is exactly a month away from today. I know that it's such short notice. You're all probably thinking A month! How am I supposed to get my future dictator a suitable present in just one month?! But don't worry, I've decided to get presents the Japanese way this year. There's this American maxim that goes "It's the thought that counts," but I read that in Japan, giving someone the rightly priced gift is more important than the gift itself. So instead of spending a long time getting a thoughtful gift for your future dictator, you can just give me a heck of a lot of cash! I think that a heck of a lot of cash is very thoughtful, anyway.

By the way, whoever posted that anonymous comment on my last post, I don't think that I have a ton of followers because I'm homeschooled! I know that I have a ton of followers because I'm just awesome like that.

DOMINATING THE WORLD: part I

I know that I have not posted for ten days. I apologize for this, my adoring followers. I know how long, dreary, and empty those days have been for you. But alas, here I am! I am back with a progress report.

You see, my unfathomably genius mind has been devising a plan for the first step of me CONQUERING THE WORLD!!!! (My delicate pinkie isn't sore from pressing the shift button whenever I type CONQUERING THE WORLD any more because one of my loyal and devoted  followers introduced me to the "caps lock" button.)

I've decided to start with  CONQUERING MY TOWN'S SCHOOL DISTRICT!!! Our school district needs conquering. I'm home schooled  because the district proved to be incapable of fulfilling my superior mind's needs. Who better to CONQUER THE SCHOOL DISTRICT than me?

So, I wrote this letter to the school board:

Dear Sirs:

Undoubtedly, you have heard of me from my rapidly increasing followers. Perhaps you have read my blog, which I am sure is becoming an immensely popular phenomenon. Behold, it is I, your future world dictator!!!

My plan to DOMINATE THE WORLD is inevitable, it will happen with or without your assistance. But here I am, asking for it. I demand that you hand over your precious district to me, seeing as you have failed to run it properly. If you don't comply, a disaster beyond your wildest dreams will occur!

If my wishes are met, you can keep your six figure income.

Your future dictator,

Rosetta Ever Johnson


The school board has not yet responded to my letter! How dare they keep me waiting?! They probably just don't take me seriously because I'm home schooled.

Progress Report

Well, I was going to execute my first step of DOMINATING THE WORLD today. What's with the was,  you ask? How come I said that I was going to DOMINATE THE WORLD today and not I am going to DOMINATE THE WORLD today?

'Cause  my parents said that I have to clean my room.

I asked them why my 4 sisters who share the room couldn't do it while I DOMINATE THE WORLD, and they said that it wouldn't be fair.

And tomorrow's the Sabbath, so I can't DOMINATE THE WORLD then!

No one understands a future world dictator.

Disney Princesses are AWESOME!

A lot of people are saying that Disney princesses aren't good role models for young girls. Word on the street is that they teach girls that life is all about looks, getting a prince, and living happily ever after. Supposedly, they are a bad influence on children.

But I grew up with the Disney princesses, and look how great I turned out to be! 

People are complaining that the princesses give girls a false idea of what their body should look like. But seriously, I look just like a Disney princess.

By the way, I figured out how to put that picture up all by myself! Aren't I so smart? Aren't you so grateful that someone so clever, resourceful, intelligent and humble is going to CONQUER THE WORLD?

Here are some pictures of strong female characters that I look up to. They inspire me on my dream to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Why can't people just accept that I'm always right?!

Yesterday, I went to my youth group meeting and got in an argument with this one guy. He's on the high school's debate team. Debate team kids are sooooo annoying because they think that they're so smart and always right!

We argued about my wanting to dominate the world. Whenever he said something about how dominating the world is "not ethical" or whatever, I argued his points with logic and overall superior reasoning. But did he listen to my superior logic and reasoning? NO! Even though I was obviously on correct grounds, he just kept on debating my points! Finally, I just told him that he was not being logical and that this argument was a waste of my time and energy. I've got better things to do than "debating" with such simpletons.

And do you know what he said to that?! He told me that I just said that as an excuse for not being able to think of more arguments. The nerve! Does he have any idea of who he's dealing with? His future dictator, that's who! If I wasn't in such an amiable mood, I would've been reduced to throwing unbearable quantities of witty, crushing insults at him! 

But I didn't, and that's what makes me such a good person!

Only 23,703 days left to CONQUER THE WORLD!

The life expectancy for an American woman is 80 years.

So that's 29,120 days. (Not counting leap years.)

I'm already 14 years and 321 days old. So I have 23,703 days left to live. That's only 23,703 days left TO CONQUER THE WORLD!

(My poor, delicate pinkie finger is getting tired of pressing the shift button whenever I type out CONQUER THE WORLD!)

The life expectancy is higher in Japan. I think that I'll move there so that I can live longer. Konichiwa, Japan, here I come! Of course, I'll have to CONQUER JAPAN before I move there. I'd better get a move on.

It's ok, I forgive you all. I understand.

My soul is wallowing in the depths of deep and unimaginable sorrow. Why? Because no one has posted a comment on my blog yet! I've had it for 3 days and I thought that I would have more success than this by now.

Despite my lack of commenters, (I had to make that word up. I figure that I'm aloud to make up words, as I'm the future world dictator. Shakespeare made up words, and what was his excuse?) I am not giving up hope. I'm sure that millions of readers are reading my blog, awed and inspired at my awesomeness. They are all thinking to themselves Wow, this girl is impossibly AWESOME! Oh, I can't believe that I'm fortunate enough to live in her day! Oh, that I'll live to see her DOMINATE THE WORLD! If only I had the courage to comment on her blog. But she's just too awesome! Will my comment be worthy for her great and intelligent eyes? Undoubtedly, this is what's stirring in the hearts of my adoring readers, but they're all just too intimidated by me to comment on any of my posts.

Fear not, my subjects! I know that it's too much to ask for a comment that's worthy for my great and intelligent eyes, but could you please comment on my posts? If I get a ton of followers and commenters, then companies will want to put adds on my blog. If I get ads, I can use that money for my funds. My funds go towards a very noble cause: they will help me to achieve my goal of DOMINATING THE WORLD!!!!!!!

Feel free to donate!

Nobody is perfect....

Nobody is perfect.

So the saying goes.

But, hey?! What about me? Obviously, I'm perfect. Those who don't acknowledge this truth are simply blinded by overwhelming envy.

Man, everyone is ahead of me!

I love the musical Wicked. I've never seen it, but I know enough of the story to like it. Wicked is about a witch named Glenda the Good who overthrows the Wizard of Oz and then CONQUERS OZ! See, I especially like the conquering part. I also heard that there's this subplot with a character named Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, but that's not important. What's important is Glenda's success with conquering her world!

When I grow up, I want to be just like Glenda! Maybe after I dominate the world, they'll make a musical about it!

But Glenda has an unfair advantage: she's popular! I am regretful to admit it, but although I am beautiful, smart, witty, clever, humble and wonderful, I am not popular. Well, duh, I'm home schooled!

I will rise above my low popularity status and someday I will CONQUER THE WORLD! And I'll do it without being popular.

I'm soooo depressed!

So, I've been watching this show called Avatar: The Last Air Bender. It's the best show ever, but it's making me depressed. Why, you ask?

Because there's this character in it named Azula. At the end of the second season, Azula conquers the Earth Kingdom almost single-handed! And guess how old she is? She's 14! That's my age! I am as old as Azula and have I conquered an Earth Kingdom?! NO! I haven't even conquered my own room! (I share with 4 of my sisters.)

Do you know what I'm going to do about this? Well, first I'm going to have a pity party for myself. Anyone who's reading this is welcome to write sympathizing, encouraging messages to me. 

After I mope for a while, I'll eat ice cream! And after the ice cream, I'll do something about counquering the world.

Hello and prepare to be amazed!

Hello, everyone! My name is Rosetta  Ever Johnson. I'm 14 years old and I'm home-schooled.

Now I bet your wondering: "why would I want to read about a 14 year old girl who's home-schooled?"

You want to read my blog because someday I will CONQUER THE WORLD!

Everyone has this crazy idea that all world dictator wannabes are well...evil. History is full of evil dictator wannabes: Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Voldemort, Sauron, Invader Zim, Doctor Doofensmirtz, Fire Lord Ozai, etc. etc. 

But I'm different than those guys because I want to take over the world for good reasons! I mean, who better than me to rule the earth? I'm so beautiful, smart, good, humble, heroic, brave, and gosh, just thinking about how perfect I am even makes me jealous of myself!

I'd better turn in. Even beings so utterly powerful as myself need beauty sleep.