Overcoming severe setbacks

Everyone admires someone who had to struggle to succeed. No one is impressed by people who achieve their goals with ease. The world is full of inspiring tales of those who fought for what they wanted despite their disabilities, background, poor fashion sense, and other obstacles out of their control. 

I was thinking about it the other day and realized that in order for me to admirably DOMINATE THE WORLD, I'd have to over come extremely difficult circumstances. I thought, what things have I had to overcome?! I mean, I have it all! I'm smart, beautiful, awesome, and I've got ninja skills! I'm always right, and I've got a great family. 

Why did I have to be so darn blessed, I wondered. No wonder I haven't conquered a single, measly country yet! It would contradict the laws of the universe! Nothing's easy, people who are perfect can't just waltz in and claim the world, even if it's their divine right.

Wait a second...

It's all coming back to me.

When I was just a child, our family went to Subway. We ate our food and then I looked at our receipt and lo and behold! It said that if one went on the Subway website, filled out a survey, and entered in a code on the receipt, they could get a free cookie! I had never experienced the wonder of a Subway cookie and thus desired one. So I went online and took my time to fill out their survey (which was a act of pure charity. Everyone loves my advice! Whenever I babysit, I'm kind enough as to take the time to give the parents advice as to how to raise their children, decorate their homes, and what kind of food to buy. I'm so thoughtful that way!) and they e-mailed me a code in which I could use to redeem a cookie.

But there was a catch.

I had to purchase something from Subway to get the cookie.

And the code had an expiration date.

To this day I have not had a Subway cookie.

How dare they not mention the expiration date in the receipt?! And the cookie wasn't free if I had to purchase something to get it! They took advantage of my pure and good heart and made me take that survey for nothing.

Obviously, this ripoff has left me physiologically damaged. There, doesn't that make you feel better? Your future dictator is physiologically damaged! That's what I have to overcome as I DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!